I had a dream last night. In that dream, I was a child and somehow I had just learned that loved ones will one day pass away. In the dream I followed my mom, grandma and grandpa around because I wanted to spend every moment with them that I could.
In my life I have one big regret. I want a certain weekend back. I spent that weekend with people who really don’t matter to me. They weren’t friends, just people who I wanted to fit in with. While I was away with these people, my grandfather was at home, watching “The Big Dumb Movie,” a random, weekly, often lame B movie, that had bumpers from a couple of entertaining local radio DJs. My grandpa didn’t care for the movie, but thought the DJs’ antics were hilarious and entertaining.
Later that week, my grandfather passed away. He was sick, and in hindsight, we should have realized that he was dying. But I was oblivious. At the age of 18, I knew that everyone dies sometime. But I could just never imagine my grandfather ever passing on. I wanted him to be there forever, and took for granted that he would. Now I just want that weekend back. I want to sit there with him and Grandma, watching this lame movie, and laughing at the DJs. I just want one more moment to spend with him, enjoying simple petty things.
I don’t ever want to feel this regret with anyone else again. Not my mother, grandmother or Kat. Not even my stepdad who I rarely got along with. Even though we didn’t get along, I would feel a significant regret if I never got to let him know that I value him. There’s many times I never showed it, and even more times I intentionally made it seem like I didn’t. I already regret that. And I want to make amends for it. I’m sorry Dad.
We only have so long. Our days are numbered and tomorrow is never guaranteed. Make sure you live everyday like it’s your last, and make sure you spend those days with the people who are important to you.